You Are Not Your Beliefs
Anchoring Your Identity in Commitment, Not Attachment

The 5 AM Miracle Podcast, hosted by Jeff Sanders

Episode #586: You Are Not Your Beliefs: Anchoring Your Identity in Commitment, Not Attachment

Jeff Sanders
Good morning and welcome to The 5 AM Miracle!

This is episode #586: You Are Not Your Beliefs: Anchoring Your Identity in Commitment, Not Attachment.

I am Jeff Sanders, and you have reached the podcast that is dedicated to dominating your day before breakfast.

I am a keynote speaker and corporate trainer, and if you want to learn more, head over to jeffsanders.com

Speaking. Now, in episode this week, I'll break down an article that I read recently

that opened my eyes to a new way to view our deepest held beliefs, why commitment

may be a better goal than attachment, and why a concept called fluid integrity

could be your guide to your latest breakthrough. Let's dig in.

So I am trying something new that is also old in this very moment.

Right now, as I speak, I am manually fading out the intro music.

When I first launched this podcast back in 2013, everything was done live.

I had a mixing board. I would have the audio and intro music play.

And it was a live performance literally every week on the show for years.

And at some point down the line, I got really into audio quality and audio editing.

And I changed my entire system.

And I started adding the music in afterwards.

And so you may have been fooled by that.

I don't know. I'm not that good at this.

But for a long time, the last three, four years, I have edited the show in a very different way.

but I am bringing back the live performance elements because I miss it.

I just, I miss this so much.

I want this show to be bigger and better and I'm changing a lot of things.

One thing you'll note, obviously, is the intro is different.

You will also see the content changing a bit.

I'm going to test the waters, run experiments, make this show something it has never been,

but also something that always should have been.

And in all of this stuff, all this experimentation, I'm going to want your

feedback on everything you want to tell me about. I'm an open book. I will be

transparent and tell you about my life here. And all that I would hope in return is

that besides loving the show, listening to it frequently, is you talk to me.

This is more of a conversation, less of a monologue. So yes, email me, jeff at jeffsanders.com.

I love inbox zero, which means I respond to every email that comes in within 24 hours

or less so we can have a conversation. Yes, you and me. That's

not a joke, email me. I would love it. It would be great. Okay, enough of that

to get to the actual content this week, which is a different one. I'm kind of

going off script here. And by that I mean, I want to explore some new arenas of

personal growth. I have been going through some wacky seasons of my own life.

You have heard about a few of those in the last couple of months. Everything from me

ditching alcohol seven, eight months ago, to I am now currently going through a

reduction in my daily caffeine. You probably can't hear that right now, but that is

happening, among many other kind of personal growth elements that I'm going through.

But I want to bring you along on that journey. I want you to be part of this

experience, part of this evolution that I'm going through. And hopefully you are as

well. You know, one of the core tenets of this podcast, aside from productivity and

healthy habits, the center of this show began and will always be. The through line is

personal growth, personal development.

And that expands into every facet of your life.

That extends to every element of who you are and how you experience everything

in your lifetime.

Having said that, I found an article that really got my attention.

And the article, though the headline seems and appears to be about veganism,

it is actually not at all, or very little.

I have been a vegan for 15 years, and it has been a core tenet of my own personal philosophies for a long time.

I've discussed plant-based lifestyles on this show since day one, but this episode and this article actually have a lot more to do with identity and a lot more to do with how you attach yourself, how you attach to all your beliefs, how you really get yourself dialed in to what means the most to you.

So this article was from Vegout Magazine at VeggeoutMag.com written by a guy named Justin Brown.

And the article is titled, I studied why vegans have higher rates of depression and discovered a hidden psychological pattern that's destroying careers and relationships for everyone.

That's a very dramatic headline.

It's also not about vegans being depressed, which is also not a thing.

I can go under a tangent there.

But the point of this is that this headline is extremely misleading.

The article is not about depressed vegans.

What it's about is identity.

What it's about is the driver behind why we get attached to things.

And then when we do, how that very dramatically impacts our ability to be objective, how that when we love something dearly, we have blinders on.

and it becomes nearly impossible for us to actually be critical or to think about

something in a new perspective because we have already made up our mind.

We have already locked ourselves into a certain life perspective and that's not going

to change.

I have made my choice and I'm not stick to it.

And the article challenges that belief.

It challenges this real human nature that we have, this kind of leaning towards

finding something to attach ourselves to.

We are all seeking identity and labels and community and tribes.

And because we want to be a part of something,

when we find something that we love,

we grab a hold of it with our fists really tightly.

And if someone challenges that,

oh, you better have some good evidence.

And even if you do, I'm still not listening.

That kind of perspective is so dangerous.

And this article really just smacks that in the face and challenges us

to be better. So let's go to a little bit more about specifically what this article

says and then I'll break down more of my thoughts on it. What the article actually says

is that we are confusing our principles. And what he says directly is it's about

what happens when any beautiful choice becomes a psychological prison. Think about that

when any beautiful choice, so you attach yourself to something that you love,

but that attachment becomes a psychological prison.

I just, that alone really struck me because there are so many things in life I've attached myself to.

Veganism has been one of those for a long time.

Running marathons has been one of those.

Podcasting itself has been one of those.

Being an entrepreneur is a big one.

Any kind of spiritual practice or belief, a political ideology, any of these things that you might gravitate towards and grab a hold of,

can become a psychological prison.

Now, from my perspective, the best part of this article is the realization

that we are so tied to our beliefs, we can't put the genie back in the bottle.

In other words, we can't evolve into someone new.

And one of the core tenets of personal growth is growth, which I'll explain

more about later, but the lack of evolution is a critical component here.

Now, another quote from the article, he says that, you know, these are examples he's listing here.

Christians questioning their faith, but are possibly terrified to lose their community, are examples of this phenomenon.

Democrats who disagree with party positions but can't voice their dissent.

Or parents who suffocate under the weight of attachment parenting philosophies that they've adopted as gospel.

It goes on to say, I began noticing this everywhere in my work.

The meditation teacher who couldn't admit she was depressed because spiritual people are supposed to be at peace.

Or the zero waste advocate who hoarded glass jars in secret shame.

Or this last part, pretty personal.

The productivity guru whose life was chaos but couldn't say so without destroying his brand and his sense of self.

Ouch.

That last one got me.

But this is just pointing out such a clear example of,

imagine you have attached yourself to a spiritual practice,

to a personal philosophy, to a political ideology,

whatever that may be.

And along the way, you began to question it.

Along the way, you began to wonder,

what did I opt into?

What have I actually agreed to in this scenario?

I thought in the beginning that this new label,

I've attached to myself was indicative of me, and that all the tenets of this belief

system were accurate and true and aligned to who I am and how I view the world.

What happens if you begin to question that philosophy?

Recently on the podcast, I had this miniature rant of mine about all-in-one technology solutions.

And I have a real big problem with all-in-one tech.

I give these examples of if you buy a piece of hardware that in podcasting is a good example,

there are mixers you can buy where they claim to do everything all in one box.

But the problem is, if even one element of that system doesn't work and you can't

override it, you have to throw out the entire thing and replace it with individual

components and then basically custom build your own podcast studio.

Just one example here.

Well, the same thing could be true for a political ideology.

Imagine you align to a certain political party, but then you find yourself questioning

that political perspective.

There are certain elements you don't agree with.

Can you still use the label that you belong to that party or that system?

Because you don't agree with all the tenants.

So then the question becomes, are you required to?

Is that necessary to agree with everything in a certain ideology?

And in some groups, the answer is no.

You're allowed to think for yourself and have a nuanced perspective.

But in other groups, I'll call them cults.

You're not allowed to think for yourself.

You're not allowed to be that person.

Now, take this to a higher level.

Imagine you're someone like me who publicly talks about his beliefs.

I publicly discuss my love for productivity, for veganism, healthy habits, etc.

Well, imagine, as this article points out very clearly, what if my personal life is chaos, which by the way, it is.

And what if that frightens me to share publicly?

What if I can't admit that?

What if my ego is so tied to who I am publicly that my persona, my brand is so tied to that polished view?

It becomes impossible to be human.

It becomes impossible to question, to admit fault, to share with others that this thing I've been building is not quite working.

Shaky Foundation Syndrome, what are we going to do?

Now, my personal philosophy, obviously, for the longest time, has been that I am willing to share my faults.

I am totally willing to tell you every mistake I've made, almost all of them.

And by doing so, it's more authentic.

It's more human, right?

I'm not here to be perfect.

I'm not here to tell you that I am.

But imagine you could be in that scenario with the variety of areas of your life.

And it becomes frightening.

A good example is what if you have a spiritual practice?

You have a church you attend, a synagogue, a mosque.

You have a community of people that you are connected to at a deep, deep level.

But then imagine you question your faith.

Imagine you question the beliefs and the practices around this thing you have grown up with.

You've been around for decades.

Your whole life is centered in and out and through that spiritual practice.

But what if you don't believe any more?

more? What if it's not true for you anymore? What do you do? So the article really

challenges this philosophy, these possible problems, and he really breaks it down between

commitment and attachment. And attachment is a very common, I'll call it first response.

It is when you get really excited about something and you and your beliefs become one

and the same. You are so tightly bound to this thing that there is no separation.

I'll go back to when I first went vegan.

I was at first really passionate about the ethical side of it.

But then I got really interested in what's called raw veganism,

where you eat basically nothing but raw produce.

You can call it fruitarianism or just these kind of extreme,

people call them radical diets where you are eating nothing but raw fruits

and vegetables, primarily fruit.

And it is the entirety of what you consume.

There is no cooked food.

it is just raw produce all the time.

Well, I lived that way for months, and I was the first to tell you it was awesome.

I loved it.

I was the healthiest I've ever been.

It was also logistically very challenging to keep up.

It was also very expensive.

And at the end of the day, I had to back away from it, mostly because of logistics.

It was just too hard to live in modern day America with that lifestyle.

Maybe in the future I'll move to Costa Rica or Hawaii or something, live in the tropics, make it work.

But long story short, was that when I lived this lifestyle for a few months,

I was deeply attached to it.

The belief system of raw veganism, or they strategy for that, and me, Jeff Sanders,

we were tightly connected.

I was attached.

As time progressed, and I began to question whether or not this actually could

work for me long term.

I question the logistics.

I question the finances.

I question whether or not it was actually practical for me to continue.

Well, I began to essentially question the foundation of the philosophy I had adopted.

And so if we go back to this concept of questioning the thing that you have now attached to,

the article discusses a concept called identity fusion, when the boundary between self and the group or philosophy dissolves.

When challenging, the belief feels like threatening the self.

It creates a kind of anxious attachment where any flexibility feels like existential danger.

You can't be wrong about anything significant because being wrong means you might not be who you think you are.

That's so powerful because when you attach yourself to something and that philosophy is you, well, then if the philosophy doesn't work, do you work?

Can you question yourself at that level?

These are difficult things to wrestle with.

These are some of the most difficult identity questions to ask and answer.

And the attachment here is the problem.

Attachment in Buddhism.

They discussed that as the clinging or grasping to things,

including people, objects, ideas, and even one's own sense of self,

which is a primary cause of suffering.

So Buddhism directly attacks this.

basically says attachment and suffering are one and the same, which is what you see

here, because when you attach yourself to something and then there's a separation

at any point, whether the group pulls away from you or you pull away from the group

or it happens at the same time, either way, that sense of I have to detach from this

philosophy can be very painful, very difficult, very existentially dangerous.

Who are you if you're not this thing you think?

thought you were. Now, to counter attachment with commitment. With commitment,

you and your beliefs are aligned, but not intertwined. So the definition of

commitment is a dedication to a goal, a person, or a cause, often involving

sacrifice and perseverance. So you may say, well, these sound very similar, right?

In a commitment, you're dedicated to your philosophy. When you're attached, you are

very dedicated. Right. These are similar.

but the nuance is extremely important.

So once again, with commitment, you and your beliefs are aligned.

Alignment means you simply share similar values, but you're not intertwined.

You're not permanently attached.

It's a more flexible view on what it is you claim to believe and how that impacts who you are.

Because with a commitment, you are not actually attached.

You could, in theory, let this thing go at some point.

You could redefine it.

think critically about it, make it something new again.

In other words, you can change your commitments far easier than you can change who you are at the core.

Commitments can evolve while attachments are essentially untouchable.

So imagine that, that you have found something you love.

Once again, political ideology, spiritual practices, dietary choices, whatever the thing is.

A crossfit is a great example of a group where you get really high.

hardcore into it. But what happens if CrossFit is no longer available for you?

You get injured. You get mad at the system, whatever the case is. Something

happens that pulls you out of it. You've lost your community. You've lost your

fitness philosophy. Something along the way broke that attachment. Well, who you are

if you're not a crossfitter. There's a very famous kind of funny jokes about how do you

know if someone's a vegan? How do you know if someone is a crossfitter?

Well, don't worry, they'll tell you, right? That is the running joke for lots of

groups, not just those two. And the reason why that exists is because these people are

passionate and vocal about their passions. One thing that I saw online, a line to this

article, was that Justin Brown, the author, listed his Instagram feed in the article,

and I went through and read a bunch of the comments that people had where he was discussing

And most of the comments that came through were kind of funny to me for a variety of reasons.

One was that it was very obvious that the commenters read the headline and not the article, which is very common on the internet.

The other issue was that even those who read the article missed the point.

And what they wound up doing was this article attracted a lot of vocal vegans.

And I have been what I would call a very passive vegan for the last 15 years.

meaning I don't run around with a billboard, you know, screaming at people.

I don't try to beat someone into believing what I believe.

I've never done that.

I will never do that.

It's not who I am.

Yes, I have a microphone in a podcast and I'll talk about these things.

But in no way would I ever try to force someone to believe what I do.

Well, many of the commenters for this article were those kinds of people.

They're mad.

They're sad.

They're passionate.

They're attached.

And because of that, they're very vocal and they scream, metaphorically speaking.

They are yelling because they just want the world to believe what they believe.

Whether they're right or wrong, whether they are aligned or not, whether these things make sense or not, none of that matters when emotion takes over.

Logic loses to emotion a hundred times out of a hundred.

We are not logical people.

We are emotional.

And that is the conversation here.

Attachment is an emotional conversation.

And to remove the emotion from something, to be able to think critically about it is one of the most difficult things you will ever go through in your life.

Because whether you want to admit it or not, you and I both are emotional creatures.

Now, the article goes on to discuss this concept of fluid integrity, which essentially is the author's solution to this problem, right?

Yes, commitment is a great example, but it goes further than that.

And what he says is that fluid integrity is the capacity to hold your values deeply enough that you're not blown around by every cultural wind, yet lightly enough that you can evolve them without losing yourself.

It means understanding that you are the space in which beliefs arise and pass away, not the beliefs themselves.

I really love this concept.

I think it speaks very clearly to my personal view on personal growth and evolution.

and change and this willingness to adapt to the new truth, the new reality that

shows up.

I struggle if I attach myself too much and I'm able to be so much more flexible

and so much happier in life if I'm willing to pivot, right?

In the business world and entrepreneurship, the word pivot is thrown around

a thousand times a day, but that is also what this is.

A pivot is an acknowledgement that the current path is not working.

And you're going to have to find a new one, right?

You hit a dead end.

Okay, forget that path.

Let's try a next one.

And the next and the next and the next.

We iterate.

We change.

We grow.

We evolve.

And that process, this fluid integrity, is one of being able to say, yes, I have principles.

Yes, I still care.

Yes, I'm still committed.

I'm still in the game.

I love this.

And because I love this, I want it to succeed, whatever.

it happens to be, but I'm not attached. And it does not define me. It is an element

of my life currently, but that could change and probably will. I'm not tied to

veganism itself as a concept. I'm not married to productivity strategies that I use

today. I'm not attached to the world that I have crafted for myself, but what I am is

emotionally invested. And honestly, I'd be sad if the things that I love today disappear,

but I'll still be here even if they're not.

And I'm still going to fight for the next chapter in my own evolution,

regardless of what that looks like.

And I feel like this is the bigger story here.

And is this willingness to say that though I love what I love today,

I'm going to be different in the future.

Personal growth by definition is growth.

What is that?

Growth is change.

Change is evolution.

Evolution is a redefinition of the truth, which is difficult to swallow.

Your principles are already changing.

You are already changing.

You are not who you once were.

You are growing into someone who may barely recognize who you are today.

This to me is the most fascinating parts.

I had an experience recently in my gym's sauna, and I talked about it on the five

A Miracle Premium episodes, and one thing that happened in that experience was I

talked to someone who was much younger than me.

And when I did so, it really had me flash back to when I was much younger.

And I realized that I have grown into someone new, that, and I should have, right,

I am older now than I was.

It would be almost ridiculous to say that I have not changed or grown.

I have, and I will continue to do so.

Right.

You are the same.

You are not your old self.

You are not your younger self.

You're expecting to anticipate change and growth.

So why fight it?

Why resist?

If anything, the better answer here is acceptance and a flowing downstream.

Really making the path easier by saying,

I want to tie myself to change itself because change is guaranteed.

Now, you don't have to accept personal growth as gospel.

because it's already happening without your permission.

Change is happening whether you are okay with it or not.

And the better path is one of flexibility, of acceptance,

and an active willingness to lean into truth as we now see it.

And of course, this will change and this will grow.

And your ability to pivot in those moments will help to redefine who you become,

as opposed to clinging on for dear life onto old strategies, old philosophies

that are no longer true for you or for anyone else for that matter.

And so, you know, I went vegan 15 years ago.

Will I still be vegan 15 years from now?

I don't know.

I have no idea.

Number one, what it is could change and evolve over time as it already has.

But also I will change and grow.

So to a certain degree, I don't care about that question.

I truly don't care about how I will define myself long term.

What I care is that I will stay committed to the principles that guide my best self.

And that's what I cling on to, which is, of course, acceptance and change and a commitment to principles that matter.

But with a looser, more flexible approach to the fact that rigidity fails and flexibility wins.

Now, for a more practical application of these concepts, let's dig into a few key ideas that I think are going to help you really sync this in.

The first, and this is one you're going to know from me, read more.

Learn how others live and think and act and expose yourself to new information on a regular basis.

Of all the personal growth strategies that have helped me the most in my journey through the last 15, 20 years, reading is number one.

one, no contest.

And I mean reading real books, by the way, not Instagram posts or

online articles, although I read plenty of those.

Reading real books is the thing.

If you want to change your life, if you want to adopt these principles,

if you want to be your best self, please read and do so on most days.

Second is travel more.

Get out and meet people.

Don't hide in a bubble.

Be an active part of your community and other communities around the world.

I know from experience that when I travel, it opens up my mind every single time.

And that does not mean I have to travel the globe.

I could literally travel across to the other side of Nashville where I live and meet a new group of people, a new community and be exposed to new things.

And that's possible for you as well.

You don't have to literally hop on an airplane, although you can.

But traveling itself is so eye-opening.

Third strategy.

Question more.

Don't assume that someone else has all the answers.

I know so many people who get stuck right here.

Sure, they'll read books.

Yeah, they'll travel.

That sounds fun and easy.

But questioning other people who are their leaders, who are their guides,

that's where you get some people to push back real quick.

My position on this is that if you assume someone else has all the answers,

it will backfire on you sooner rather than later.

This goes along with that same thought from earlier to not join a group and then automatically adopt all the beliefs from that group.

Don't assume that they have all the answers.

Question these things.

Question their tenets.

Question their principles.

So that same degree with this article from today.

Don't assume the title of the article is what the article discusses.

Read it.

Question it.

Think about it with your whole brain.

Yes, that requires effort.

Yes, that requires more than just scrolling through headlines on your Facebook

feed a thousand times in a row.

More depth is the answer.

Questioning what you see is the answer.

Along those same lines, the fourth strategy is to re-examine more.

So go back through the beliefs you think are unchangeable in your life and test those theories.

Right?

Are you still deeply tied to your religion, political party, your spouse, your diet, or

fitness philosophy or any other guiding principle that you rarely question.

What I have seen in the past is that when I question my deepest beliefs,

most of the time, I actually am more committed to them.

I find more reasons to stay than I do to leave.

And I'm actually better, quote unquote, better at that thing, right?

Good example here.

If I question my marriage, right?

I question my spouse, it actually causes me to love Tessa more.

It causes me to find all the reasons why our marriage is fantastic, not why it struggles, which by the way, doesn't really struggle, which is kind of the point.

Because when we figure out those things that we love and are tied to, we actually double down on them.

And you become better, stronger, more knowledgeable, more principled.

And it works to your advantage.

But with all this being said, still not attached.

That's the rub.

And the final strategy is just to think more in general.

Thinking critically for yourself is one of the core tenets, if not the core tenets, of personal growth.

Because that's how you personally will grow is to think critically, reexamine, and figure out a new path.

You will dissect and examine information.

You can break things, even metaphorically, and then put those pieces back together.

Reconstruct your reality with all of the truth.

You believe to be true today and then do it all over again.

That breaking and rebuilding process is what growth is all about.

That's how you build muscle in the gym.

That's how you build new concepts and ideas in your brain.

You break things.

You rebuild them.

You have a new concept, new framework, new reality.

Thinking critically is the foundation for all of this.

Your personal growth is tied to this.

Your future is tied to this.

This is who you are.

This is who you can become.

And for that action step this week.

Be willing to be wrong.

Your attachments may need to transition into commitments.

Your commitments may need to be reexamined.

Your most deeply held beliefs may need a critical eye to abjecture.

objectively see the truth. Being willing to be wrong simply means being willing

to accept truth in whatever forms it arrives in. Be flexible, yet strong.

Be committed, yet open to new information. Be principled, yet wise enough to know

that even principles can and do change. Now, of course, subscribe to this podcast

in your favorite podcast app or go to 5am Miracle Premium.com for an ad-free experience

and the VIP bonuses right there.

5am miracle premium.com.

That's all I've got for you here on the 5 a.m. Miracle podcast this week.

Until next time, you have the power to change your life.

And all that fun begins bright and early.

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