6 Months Sober
My Journey to a New Beginning Without Alcohol

The 5 AM Miracle Podcast, hosted by Jeff Sanders

Episode #579: 6 Months Sober: My Journey to a New Beginning without Alcohol

Jeff Sanders
Hey, it's Jeff Sanders, and a quick note before the episode begins this week, this episode is unique. It is not the norm. It is a personal essay that I wrote from me to you for this podcast. And it is about a topic that I have touched on in various points over the years. But this is the most direct message that I will have on this topic. And it is the most important one.

And so I hope that it lands for you. I hope this message is a positive one and that shares my story in a way that resonates with you with the intention of positive life change. Not for me to set a model for someone else to live their life by, but more so for me to have a platform to share an experience that I think is palpable, an experience that has radically transformed my life and one that I hope will do the same for you, depending on how your journey plays out.

But this episode is different. So saddle up. This is going to be fun. Here we go.

This is The 5 AM Miracle, episode number 579: 6 Months Sober: My Journey to a New Beginning without Alcohol

Good morning and welcome to The 5 AM Miracle. I am Jeff Sanders and this is the podcast dedicated to dominating your day before breakfast. My goal is to help you bounce out of bed with enthusiasm, create powerful lifelong habits, and tackle your grandest goals with extraordinary energy. I am a keynote speaker and corporate trainer, specializing in delivering high energy, interactive, and action-oriented presentations and workshops focused on productivity, wellness, and personal and professional growth. If you want to learn more, head over to jeffsanders.com slash speaking.

Now, in the episode this week, I'll break down my journey with and without alcohol. Why, I'm convinced that we never actually change anything until we're ready. And how you can find out of giving up drinking is the right choice for you. Let's get to it.

Sober? Me? Nah, that sounds boring, and like it’s describing someone else’s story.

I never intended to embrace sobriety, but I also never intended for alcohol to slowly creep its way into my life as a nagging bad habit.

Embracing sobriety was about as foreign to me as going vegan, but I successfully made that switch 15 years ago.

So, maybe there’s something to it.

If you, like me, have ever toyed with the idea of taking a break from booze, or giving it up for good, I encourage you to take that inclination seriously – because it could blossom into one of the best choices of your life.

Before we get too deep into this conversation let’s start with a few disclaimers:

I am not a medical professional, and this is not medical advice.

I am not an addiction counselor, and this is not therapy.

I have never been to an Alcoholic Anonymous (AA) meeting, and the advice in this episode does not constitute professional help for addiction.

This is my story, and I hope you find something in it that resonates with you – something that sparks a bit of change for the better.

Now, on with the show.

My wife Tessa and I share an Audible account for our audiobooks, and the app recommended a book by an author named Clare Pooley.

Tessa had recently listened to a novel from Clare, so Audible thought “we” might like another one of her works.

As it turns out, Clare had written a nonfiction book called “The Sober Diaries”, which highlights her journey with alcohol addiction and the many daily challenges she faced while navigating her way through her new world of sobriety.

I saw the title and thought, “Yeah, this sounds like something I would resonate with in this season of my life.”

The day I found this book was about 4 ½ months into a sober experiment of mine. I have taken a few extended breaks from booze before, but this one was different.

This one was my longest so far – my biggest break from alcohol since High School, and it felt permanent, but I couldn’t quite nail down why.

18 months ago on the podcast I published an episode called, “I'm Not an Addict, but that's a Lie”, which was a response to a previous extended break from alcohol. That break ended during a holiday party, which was unnecessary on my part, but also proved I wasn’t yet ready to give it up.

My previous sober experiments were never truly meant to be permanent.

I tested Sober October, Dry January, and even a Sober Summer – all of which resulted in me drinking again (and drinking more) when I inevitably returned to my old ways.

Though I never actually intended on staying sober, part of me wished I wasn’t going back. I secretly, and even unconsciously, wanted sobriety to work for me – but I always had an excuse to buy another bottle.

I didn’t think I could get through the holidays, a party, or even our weekly night out to a local Mexican restaurant where I always ordered a Jumbo Top Shelf Margarita.

Jumbo is the official size of the drink - I didn’t just make that up - it’s a VERY large glass, and not even the largest one on the menu.

As I began listening to the first chapter of Clare’s Sober Diaries I could feel myself nodding along and smiling.

I resonated with every experience she was describing.

No, I’m not a British mother who attends cocktail parties every weekend like Clare, but I am a human who understands the pull of addiction.

I know what it means to make excuses, get stuck in ruts, and promise myself I will change tomorrow.

As each chapter unfolded I could feel myself loosening my grip, both literally with my fists, and metaphorically, on the word “addict.”

I have never seriously referred to myself as an addict – never attended an AA meeting – never seen a therapist for addiction, never sought medical attention for addiction, and never experienced any serious consequences in my life due to addiction.

In all honesty, applying the word addict to my story feels like a sham.

I know people personally who have given up drugs and alcohol because it was tearing them apart.

Their addiction was the train wreck that describes the stories of so many people.

So … why call myself an addict if the term doesn’t fit?
Well, because it does.

Addiction is a spectrum, a wide array of possible identities and outcomes.

To quote the dictionary, addiction is “a compulsive, chronic, physiological or psychological need for a habit-forming substance, behavior, or activity having harmful physical, psychological, or social effects and typically causing well-defined symptoms (such as anxiety, irritability, tremors, or nausea) upon withdrawal or abstinence.”

You don’t have to destroy your life or go to rehab to experience the draw to, and consequences from, addiction.

The short version of my story with alcohol is that it became a festering bad habit – a thing I kept doing and coming back to over and over again, though never to the point of true detrimental consequences.

Alcohol was always there → at home, at parties, at restaurants, during celebrations for big wins, and to drown out a bad day.

I rarely got drunk, but I frequently wanted a buzz.

I made sure we always had a stash in our house, and the idea that we might run out would actually scare me a little – just enough to be sure I went to the store and got more before we actually found our house empty.

At one point a few years ago I “graduated” from box wine to bottles because I convinced myself that it wasn’t classy enough to drink out of a box like I did in college.

I was spending more money every month, and justified it by trying to find the best deals.

Our local grocery store has so many wines on sale every week that I found it fun to get the most bottles of red wine that I could for the cheapest price.

All that meant was that we had more for me to drink, and drinking is what I did – every night, without exception.

Once again, I wasn’t drunk.

I averaged 2 large glasses a night, and would finish a bottle about every 2 days.

I once ordered a case of wine and drank all 12 bottles in 15 days, which meant my consumption and tolerance were increasing faster than I factored into my view of my own habits.

I often justified drinking wine with my caffeine addiction as the counterweight.

Years ago I read an article that argued that drinking coffee can repair damage to your life from alcohol.

I have no idea if that statement was true, and I never looked up the source - but I believed every word of it.

It helped keep me caffeinated every morning and buzzed every night.

If I drank a little too much wine, I counter with a little too much coffee the next day.

Stimulant, depressant, stimulant, depressant.

Over and over, over and over.

One of the more surprising aspects of my life in the last few years was my reliance on alcohol as a reward for dealing with my kids.

As soon as they were in bed each night I would pop open a new bottle of wine.

Some nights I wouldn’t wait until they were asleep because I wanted to get the party started early.

What may surprise you is that Tessa doesn’t drink, and really hasn’t with any regularity since college.

When I drank at night, I drank alone.

When I drank at a restaurant, it frequently was just me with the boozy beverage, so Tessa found herself as my sober driver more times than I can count.

Tessa slowed and then stopped her drinking because alcohol made her feel bad. The physiological consequences hit her right away, so she had no need to wait around for a hangover to see how bad it would ever get.

I loved drinking.

It was an escape, a party enhancer, a social lubricant, a way to fit in, and a perceived stress reducer (although I found out later what a lie that was).

My worst (or best) years with alcohol were in my 4 years of college.

Going to school in a small town, and then joining a fraternity, was a bold recipe for alcohol abuse.

This episode is ironically going live on Cinco de Mayo (May 5th), which is the same day I graduated college and promptly celebrated with many shots of tequila.

I also studied abroad in Prague in the spring semester of my junior year, which amped up my game and introduced a few hard core drugs.

Thankfully I toned down those decisions before they became an addiction, but my abuse of alcohol in the Czech Republic was off the charts.

I would “pre-game” by drinking an entire bottle of wine by myself, and then head out to the bars where I would take shots of liquor, pop a pill of ecstasy, and stay out until sunrise.

Not every night was like this, but many were.

I was sick constantly.

My only reprieve from the damage done by alcohol was my body’s refusal to let me get out of bed.

I was only sober on the days that I was sick.

Let that sink in – only sober on the days my body physically held me back, like a body guard of self-preservation.

Had I stayed in Prague longer than a single semester, I’m not sure what would have happened to me.

I returned back to the US looking as pitiful as I’ve ever been, which fortunately prompted a hard look in the mirror and a few significant habit changes.

My senior year of college was different.

I started getting bored with all the drinking and late nights. I was living once again in my fraternity house, surrounded by parties and antics at all hours of the day and night, but I drank less.

I was slowly growing up and realizing that alcohol abuse, blacking out every weekend, and not knowing what I had done (or what had been done to me), was no longer working.

Yes, blacking out was frequent in college.

It was a badge of honor in many ways, representing how hard core you were and your willingness to handle more and more damage to every ounce of your body.

A few guys I knew spent some nights in the hospital after drinking too much. But, after a day of rest they were, like me, right back at it again.

I watched a documentary a few years back about drug addiction, which did a deep analysis into addiction.

One of the conclusions was that addiction is social, that you are more likely to maintain an addiction around others who share those same values than you are around those who don’t.

Phrased another way, if you find yourself drinking excessively in college, you may find that you don’t exhibit a fraction of those same tendencies after graduation – which was exactly what happened to me.

After I snagged my diploma and moved to Boston with Tessa, my drinking reduced to a snail’s pace by comparison.

I had other priorities and ambitions: work, running my first marathon, writing a blog about being “Graduated and Clueless” – but not drinking.

I still drank, but a lot less.

At this point in my life I was in my mid-twenties and getting much more excited about green smoothies than Jumbo Margaritas.

I wanted to wake up early on a Saturday morning and train for my next race, not wallow in pain as I worked off my latest hangover.

I was evolving, finding a new rhythm, and quickly spiraling into the healthiest version of me that I had ever seen up to that point (or since).

I became a vegan, then a raw vegan, and ran a few dozen marathons and ultramarathons.

I started a blog, this podcast, began coaching, speaking on stages, and sharing my story of healthy habits and personal growth.

All of this sounds amazing, and it was.

But, the drinking never stopped.

Throughout all of these significant life improvements I was still drinking on most nights.

I remember reading dozens of books about losing weight, running long distances, and radically changing your diet – ALL of which recommended reducing or eliminating alcohol.

I also remember scoffing at every one of those suggestions.

Why couldn’t I run 5 miles before work, drink a smoothie for breakfast, eat a salad for lunch, and drink as much red wine as I want after a reasonably healthy dinner?

Hadn't I earned it?

Did none of my radical healthy choices override the glass or two of wine?

Well, that’s just not how this works.

Alcohol is a poison, full stop.

There is no healthy amount of it, full stop.

It’s a drug.

It’s bad for you.

It’s dangerous.

That’s it.

There is no happy ending with alcohol included.

It’s one of the biggest social, societal, cultural, and global lies you can find.

Alcohol is fun, yep.

And, it’s still a terrible decision.

I know this, and I’ve known all of this since I was a kid.

None of that information ever stopped me.

So, what did?

What actually causes real, permanent change?

I’m convinced we never change anything until we are ready.

When the student is ready the teacher appears.

When I listened to Clare’s book I was ready.

When I read and watched nearly a hundred books and documentaries on health in my 20s and 30s I wasn’t.

Alcohol was more beneficial to me than not - at least, that’s what I told myself.

It wasn’t until my late 30s that my story began to change. I noticed that I wasn’t feeling euphoria when I drank anymore.

1 glass of wine meant nothing. 2 glasses was better, and 3 was usually too much.

But, no amount of it actually put a real genuine smile on my face.

I noticed myself getting depressed, anxious, and quick to blame others for many of the problems I began to notice in my life and business.

The pendulum had swung in the other direction and I knew it.

Alcohol was now officially worse for me than it was better for me.

It was now an actual downer - a drag on my energy and personality.

And honestly, I was relieved.

I had finally found my WHY to quit for good.

15 years ago I walked away from all animal products when I went vegan.

I had been toying with vegetarian diets for a few months but never really had a reason to stick with any of it.

As it turns out, a single documentary about the ethical arguments for veganism sank it and changed my perspective overnight.

I didn’t have that same aha moment with booze.

There was no single epiphany – just a gradual realization that I needed to change.

The final straw revealed itself with a visit from my inlaws.

I had given up alcohol 2 weeks before their visit, but I didn’t want to be rude or socially awkward, so I drank the bottle of wine they brought us (because they always bring wine).

I also had the usual Jumbo Margarita out at that same Mexican restaurant, and more wine back at the house afterwards.

The funny thing to me was that I didn’t enjoy any of it.

I knew I was ready to quit, and every glass felt like a mistake – like I was just delaying the inevitable.

I was finally ready to quit for good.

The very night they left our house I poured out all of the wine, including the remainder of the bottle they brought us as a gift.

I felt bad about that, but knew it was the right call.

That next day was Day 1.

Sobriety was here, and I was finally ready for it.

The first few months of sobriety were uncomfortable. I wasn’t truly confident in my decision that this was permanent – after all, it never worked before, so why would it this time?

I didn’t want to tell anyone (except Tessa), and I rarely talked with her about it either.

It felt like a secret that only I could know about until it was real – until I could tell the whole world on my podcast.

I really felt weird about it when I replaced my night 2 glasses of wine with 1 cup of hot chocolate.

I literally drank hot chocolate every night for over 3 months, and loved every cup!

I became a sugar addict the minute I went sober, and I’m still fighting that battle today.

Sugar is a very common habit replacement in sobriety because “alcohol inhibits your body's response to insulin, the hormone that helps regulate blood sugar levels.”

If not this, then how about that?

No craft beer, how about a bar of chocolate?

No boxed wine, how about a dozen donuts?

I gained weight initially when I ditched alcohol, but have since reduced my weight due to other healthy choices.

I was eventually able to swap my hot chocolate for a nighttime tea, and now I don’t have any nighttime beverages.

The habit of needing to drink something at night has faded, and that feels like a HUGE win.

In terms of social events, I noticed that other people really don’t care what I’m drinking.

I don’t get pressured by anyone, ever, to drink anything.

Your experience here may differ, but I truly thought this part would be one of the hardest, only to find out it’s one of the easiest.

I still crave alcohol on occasion, especially when I want to celebrate something.

I have forever associated alcohol with a great time, and it’s still odd to have a great time sober. I have gravitated to caffeine and sugar, but I also know those are just more addictions to break, and then share about on this podcast in another 15 years! 😉

Today, the day I am recording this episode for you, marks 6 months sober.

I bought an app for my phone called I am Sober to help count the days and track my progress.

I don’t really obsess over the exact amount of time, but I do find it helpful to remind myself of how long it’s been.

I also now carry a small Sobriety coin that I bought on Amazon. I keep it in my pocket next to my car keys, pen, and occasional chapstick.

It’s a tangible reminder that I have made a decision to live differently.

I am committed, not just to avoiding alcohol, but to healthier choices in general.

The coin is nothing more than a transitional symbol. I don’t plan to carry it forever, but long enough to solidify my plan until a day in the future when I know I have graduated from it.

As any addict will tell you, addiction is forever.

Once an addict, always an addict.

I have an addictive personality, I’m extreme, I set ambitious goals, and I make radical changes that many people believe aren't possible for them.

Giving up alcohol is possible for you – that I am certain of.

I don’t know if you’re in a life stage where letting go of it will be temporary or permanent.

I don’t know your story, or the emotional baggage that comes with past and/or current traumas or stressors.

I don’t know your reasons, excuses, or lies you tell yourself about booze to continue making the conscious choice to return to it again and again.

But, I know that change is always possible.

Big or small, easy or seemingly impossible – change is always an option.

As with all of my biggest life changes, tiny steps are everything.

Nothing ever actually happened overnight for me, or anyone else, but the decision to change is possible in an instant – to begin again, to start over, to experience your own 5 AM Miracle tomorrow morning completely sober and hangover-free – that miracle is waiting for you.

So that's it.

That's the essay on alcohol, addiction, life change.

This has been a long time coming for me.

This is a conversation I've wanted to have both with you here on the show and honestly with myself for a long time.

It's weird sharing personal stuff with the whole world.

It's weird.

I don't know, digging into kind of the vulnerable aspects, the mistakes, the goofy parts.

I would love to just show a polished version of myself here on the show.

but that would be so inauthentic, both for the podcast and for me.

It's just not how I operate.

And so one of the things I've wanted to do since day one on this show is to, as best I can, show you who I really am because that authenticity, that genuine angle that I try to take will actually be the one that I think causes most change, most positive change.

You're not going to change anything if you are viewing me as some sort of man on the mountain, some guru, some guy who's got all of his ducks in a row because I don't.

I teach this stuff, you know, productivity, personal growth, healthy habits.

I teach this stuff because I need help with this stuff as much as anyone.

Sure, I've got strengths, but I also have weaknesses.

Yes, I've run ultramarathons and I've also abused alcohol.

Like, both can be true.

People are nuanced.

They're weird.

They've got good things and bad things.

I was actually just thinking the other day about one of the guys I followed for money advice back in my early 20s.

Great financial advice, amazing life change that I was able to implement because of this advice, only to find out years later the guy is a jerk and he is mean to people.

And it was this real difficult thing where I was trying to juxtapose, do I still admire this guy for the actual

positive behavior that cause me to then change for the better? Or do I hate him now

because I don't like him with his personality? And the answer is both things are true.

I can try my best to ignore the parts I don't like while still gain the benefits.

Long story short there is that we are complicated. You may be struggling with something

while excelling somewhere else. You may have a habit that's amazing that's causing

so many wonderful things in your life and another that is undermining.

your progress at every turn.

And for me, that's what alcohol was always doing.

It was undermining my progress.

It was the jerk in my life.

It was being this counterweight in the worst possible way.

Why would I want to undermine my own progress?

Why would I want to cause bottlenecks or slow myself down or not have all of my

ducks in a row if I could, if that possibility exists, why not?

I love to set big ambitious health goals, literally running ultramarathons,

spending more time on the trails, spending more time in the gym, more time drinking

smoothies like I literally am right now during the show.

And I love that stuff.

And the question for me is just an obvious one.

Why not have all the good and none of the bad?

If that's possible, let's go pursue it.

And I think it is possible.

I think we can have it all, at least to a certain degree, especially if we know

we have the power to change, especially if we know we are doing it to ourselves,

that we are our own worst enemy.

You know, I end every episode of this podcast saying that you have the power to

change your life.

And that is 100% what this is all about.

Bad habits, good habits, life change, big goals, everything is a power trip, right?

We have that power trip.

We have control.

We can make change.

And it's just a decision to do so.

Again and again every morning to step in and say yes, I'm going to be that guy.

Tomorrow morning at 5 a.m., I'm going to be that guy.

The one who says yes to positive change, the one that says no to the addiction.

That can and will be me each and every morning if I make that true, if I make that choice.

And that choice is there for you as well.

And so if this message hit home for you, if addiction hit home for you, if specifically alcohol or drug,

but of course this applies to lots of possible things that we do that are numbing agents that are related to gambling addiction or any number of other problems.

If any of this hit home for you, just reach out to me, email me, jeffat jeffsanders.com.

I would love to hear your story.

I may even feature some stories here on the show because one of the things that you have seen in the through line of this podcast for the last 11 and a half years is that this is about positive change, about personal growth.

and what better example of personal growth than our health and our vitality

and our ability to function and achieve the goals we have set for ourselves.

If you want to give yourself every advantage and truly excel,

then do that. Give yourself the advantage.

Don't become your own worst enemy, if at all possible.

That's the goal anyway. That's the ideal.

That's what I'm striving for.

Hopefully you're striving for the same thing.

We'll see how that plays out.

Anyway, email me again, jeffathexan.com.

I appreciate you.

I'm so glad you're here.

Thank you.

And for the action step this week.

Take a break from booze and see what happens.

The only real way to fully understand your relationship with anything is to get some space from it.

I recommend 30 days to start, then reassess, and so.

see what feels best. If you're currently struggling with addiction, locate a reputable

treatment center near you. If you'd like to subscribe to this podcast in your

favorite podcast app or head over to 5am miracle premium.com for the extra special

VIP version. That's all I've got for you here on the 5 a.m. Miracle podcast this week.

Until next time, you have the power to change your life. And all that fun begins,

bright and early.

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